Saying Goodbye :(

So it's the beginning of the end of our time here in Portland and our need to say goodbye to all the people that we have shared our lives with over the last 20+ years has begun.

Goodbyes are not something that I am good at. I cry a lot, hurt a lot and never feel like I have said enough. Goodbyes are something that I feel like I have had to do too many times in my life and I am overwhelmed with sadness that I am doing it again.

My parents were divorced when I was a very small child and I remember so many of the times that I would visit my "Daddy" I would be so looking forward to my visit, only to arrive with him and realize that my arrival meant that I would soon be saying goodbye again. The pain of having to leave was so great that it was almost impossible for me to concentrate on enjoying the time we had together.

Compound that with then living as an "Air Force Brat" and attending 2 middle schools in three years and 3 high schools in 4 years, I have spent a large part of my life saying goodbye and an even larger part anticipating the pain associated with leaving or having friends and loved ones leave me.

When I moved to Portland, I really thought that those days were behind me and even though I knew I would still have goodbyes, I guess I never thought that they would be initiated by me.

I remember when my friend Nicole moved from Portland to Minneapolis several years ago. We had become really great friends and spent a lot of time together. Our husbands both traveled, we had new baby's that were 3 weeks apart in age and we had each other. We shared a very special and important time in our lives together. We haven't seen each other in about 5 years but I miss her everyday and I think about her all the time. We are still friends, I still love her very much and it still hurts not to have her near by. Nicole I hope that you know that you are missed and loved deeply!!!! I hated saying goodbye to you!

I have never really made friends easily. Oh yeah, I can talk to people and I can be friendly too, but real friends, now that is hard. As those of you that are close to me know, I tend to have pretty high expectations of the people that I share my life with. I also think that as a woman it tends to be harder to make really good friends. That makes this move all the more difficult. since living in Portland I have met and been lucky enough to have become friends with some of the most amazing women and leaving them is killing me. These women aren't your average women. These are the kind of women that don't falter under pressure, not yours or theirs. These are the kind of women that need to pretense, they are strong, beautiful, proud, loving, honest women. Women that have no need to belittle others in order to feel better about themselves, quite the opposite, they give their best everyday to their children, their husbands, their careers and their friends and nothing less. They are kind of women that you can say ANYTHING to without fear of judgement, they have seen it, been through it, loved it or lived it ALL! These women are few, very few in fact. Women, or men, like this don't come along everyday and I will miss them more than I can even begin to say!!! I feel lucky to have made these friends and know that distance and time will not change the love that we feel for each other!!

So, here's to Shawna, our parallel lives would have lead us together one way or another! We were meant to be friends and for all the right reasons. I love you, respect and admire you! You work harder than anyone I know and yet somehow still have the energy to give so much love to everyone around you. You are an amazing woman and I am proud to call you my friend! Love yourself everyday as much as you love others! Your number will be on my speed dial no matter where I live. I will miss you so very much!

To Gimena: I love your honesty, your loyalty and your strength. Remember to honor yourself everyday. You deserve nothing less than what you give and what you give is the best of yourself. You deserve all the love and happiness that you wish for those you love. Take care of yourself and don't doubt what you are capable of! I have enjoyed every minute that we have been friends. I can always count on you to try anything!!!

To Lydia: your generosity is overwhelming. I often wonder how one woman can give so much of herself to so many things and do it all well! You are a genuinely great lady, you showed me what it meant to give for no other reason than you believe in the cause. You brought me to a place where I was able to give to something that was so much bigger than myself. You allowed me to see that it's not just a saying, but a reality, that to give is to receive! It takes a great woman to bring another in to her world and not only allow her to flourish but encourage her to! That is truly selfless! You did that for me and let me see a side of me I never knew existed! I owe you a world of thanks!   I will not only miss Al Amir's hummus, but all the great times I have spent there and with you!

To Angie: One one my newer friends and one of the strongest women I know. What I admire most about you is your integrity. You know who you are and who you expect others to be and you hold true to it everyday. I wasn't sure we would become friends at first, but I am so grateful that we have. Being your friend makes me want to be better. A better friend and a better person. You inspire me to demand the best from myself and from those around me and to believe that I deserve it. Never change! You deserve all the great things that life has to offer!

To Julie: Otherwise known as Henry's Mom. Our friendship is so young and yet has given so much. Being with you is so easy and has been since the day we met. I have so enjoyed getting to know you over the last year. Play dates at the Dick's house will be sorely missed. I love that you don't sweat the small stuff! I love even more your incredible openness, your intelligence and you accepting nature. I love how easily you laugh and how easy it is to laugh with you. I am terribly sad that Henry and Peyton won't have each other's hands to hold as the grow up. They have been great for each other and you for me!

To Mona:  You have just been given the gift of motherhood! You are going to be so great at it, you already are! Your sensitivity and your empathy are awe-inspiring. You love so easily and openly. You are a gentle and loving soul and yet when tested has been shown to be the epitome of "grace under pressure" and you were definitely tested this year. When the phrase "steel magnolia" was coined it was with you in mind. Thank you for loving all my kids equally and for holding them so close to your heart, they and I am lucky to have you in our lives!

Don't get me wrong, I have some incredibly great male friends too, most of whom were Sheldon's friends that subsequently have become my friends too. I have been lucky to have been surrounded by some great men too. The kind of men that a husband trusts to take his wife out when he's out of town and she needs to get away from the kids for a night. The kind of guys he he calls to check in on his wife when he's worried she may need some help and he's traveling for work. The kinds of men that call you to say hi and really care about what is going on in your life and really enjoy talking to you and not just your husband. The kind of men who not only don't mind if you tag along with the guys, but actually like it! The kind of guys who take your teenage daughter to a concert when you can't go!These are great men and I will miss them all. To my guys: Kevin, Jeff and Super B, I love you all! You are all three men of substance and integrity! Each of you so unique and yet so similar.

Kevin: I love your brain. I don't always understand it but I love it! I love your passion and your enthusiasm. You and I have had some of the best conversations ever. I have never spent time with you or with you and Shawna that I have not thoroughly enjoyed! You make me look at things with different eyes and see things that it didn't realize were there. You are a friend for all time.

Jeff: The hardest nut I have ever had the pleasure of cracking. Getting to know you wasn't easy, but it has been worth the effort. You give your love slowly and carefully but the love that you give is unconditional and deep and I thank you for sharing it with us. Peyton has loved you since the day she laid eyes on you, she saw your for who and what you are from the first! Thank you for your friendship I love you very much.

Super B!!!!: Could a man be any kinder? It's your greatest virtue and your biggest weakness. For those that truly love you a virtue, for those that truly love themselves, a weakness. My door is always open to you! You have proven to be one of the most loyal and trust worthy guys I have ever known. What I would  love for you to know is how wonderful you really are. If I could give you anything it would be the true knowledge that you are fantastically deserving of all the great things that life has to offer! You are destined to have a great life, you are paying all your dues now and once things fall into place, it will be smooth sailing! Believe in your own value. Everyone of your friends does!

Then there is my friend Donald. Calling Donald my friend doesn't do justice to the relationship that we share. Donald tells everyone that I am the sister that he should have or wishes he did have. Well, in some ways I am! I love him as much as if he were, in fact, my own flesh and blood. We are as close as two friends can be.

To Donald:  What is a friend? Someone that sees you in your worst moment and yet only sees the good in you. Someone who knows really who you are and has seen all sides of you and loves you not in spite of it but because of it. That is what you are to me. Thick and thin, good and bad, day and night you have been there for me. We have laughed until we cried and cried until we laughed more times than we can count! We have been the light at the end of each others tunnels, the voice on the other end of the phone and the brain available for picking. Fate may have brought us together by sharing an office space so many years ago, but compassion, understanding, respect, honor and love has made us friends. The miles between us can't weaken the bond that we have created! I love you!

So now that my keyboard is about to short circuit from my tears streaming down into it. I will close for today and leave you with these parting thoughts. It's has been said that you don't get to choose your family, well I disagree. Sheldon and I have created a family of friends and as hard as it is to say goodbye to you all, I wouldn't trade a single minute that I have spent with any of you!